Contradictions...

I have noticed lately how strong our characters can be. Despite we train ourselves how to be able to respond to unknown circumstances the factual truth is somehow different. At the moment we actually are in a particular situation our pre determined cells seem to act in a survival mode we ususally don't get to know, until that moment. And I guess that defines us as a person...

My fate has just been adjusted...

Life is like a jigsaw and we just need to find the right connecting pieces ...

Only keep the good memories...

I intend to only keep the good memories...

A year in a lifetime...

It's been 2 and a half months now since my move back to the Netherlands...

I realised it would difficult to make a radical change again and knew in some ways what to expect but still things always turn out differently to what we hope for. After my move it took a while for me to ease down and find some inner peace which I know is very important in situations like these. Because life in this hamlet is so slow and nature is very close I had time to review and relive the past years again. And very interesting things came to surface. Things I will pick up on in the near future.

I can confirm I have been absolutely blown away by Brighton and its people. I already knew I have been enjoying this place but never knew how deep comfortableness can reach until your home changes again. It's very comforting there is a place on this planet which we can call home. In the future I will definitely return. One of the many reasons why I moved back is also the break up with my wife. I never had/took the time to process all the emotions and only found space to really reflect recently. It's hard to realise you have to let go of some of the best things that happened to your life. She used to be like a compass and would show directions and when this disappears you wander in void for some time. At the time I was lucky I also changed jobs so  I had a distraction which would take up all my energy and time. And as so often life will catch up with you on that. There will be a certain point at which things become more clear because time and space are in better harmony.

Yesterday would have been our 6 year anniversary. I have been thinking about it all day and all day I had this song following me around in my head. It's freaky how this band has been releasing songs which seem to sum up my life so perfectly.

It's time to walk again...

"But he wants so much
Not to live another lie
To be free and high again
Trying to see the blue sky above the rain
Trying to see the blue sky above the rain
Remembering the blue sky above the pouring rain
He's trying to see the blue sky above the rain..."

...

"Het spijt me niet dat ze niet bleef.
Dat is wat ik voorzag.
Wel dat ze terugneemt wat ze gaf, dat ik niets houden mag..."

< Bløf - Geen Tango >

Arriving somewhere...

"Ever had the feeling you've been here before?
Drinking down the poison the way you were taught.
Every thought from here on in your life begins.
And all you knew was wrong?"

Begin Again...

1 week after I left Brighton...

Leaving a place that you considered to be your new home is not easy. In this case it might be easier as I moved back to Holland, a known territory, but still... In just 1 week I noticed so many differences in culture, lifestyle, atttude that I am convinced Brighton is a wonderful place to live for me. I will miss it dearly and especially the beautiful people that make it special.

Moving back means signing in again at the town hall (yes, in Holland you have to register yourself in comparison to the UK), doing job interviews, opening a new bank account and looking for a flat. Starting again to create yourself a new home can be a struggle sometimes. But just as long as you keep doing the things that need to be done everything will finally fall into its place again. A good friend told me once:"In life 10% is what happens and the other 90% is how you look at it." Life will happen and circumstances will change but when you keep your eyes on your goals and adapt to the circumstances you are always moving towards where you want to go. I see life also as a playground with the plastic balls at a McDonalds restaurant. When you keep quiet and don't move everything around you will not change. But once you start moving and coming into action all the balls around you will start moving too and circumstances around you will change. I have been in this situation before and know from experience that it can be hard to step into a big black hole. We tend to try to hold on to our certainties in life and don't like to be exposed to the big unknown. This is caused by fear and can only be overcome by action. Just keep doing the things that need to be done. I didn't say it would be easy, I said it would be worth it...

Interior Lulus... part 5 and 6

"If you can carry it out you can take it away.
If you can carry it out you can take it away.
If you can buy it, it can be bought.
If you can buy it, it can be stolen.
If you can break it.
It's already broken...."

Alan Watts: What do you really desire?

Interesting speech of Alan Watts. Great eyeopener!

"It's better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing than a long life spending in a miserable way."

Project The Big Move has started!

After making the decision to move back to Holland my preparations for the big move have started this week. Last week I have given notice at work, ended all contracts and planned the move.

With my upcoming move I have to mention my best friend because without him it would be a hell of a mission. In life we meet so many people but most of them end up as Facebook contacts so you can stay in contact and catch up when you are close again. And sometimes people stay in your life because they have a certain character and vision on life that connects with yours. In life you don't need a lot of friends in my opinion, just a few really good ones. And I am blessed with having met some interesting people who will stay...

Thanks Algo for being there to help me move. It's amazing to know I have you as a friend...

You only hate a road when you're missing home...

Accepting other people's choices can be hard sometimes. Even though you can see a different solution or outcome the other person can decide to take a totally different road than you planned. Acceptance is the key word. When accepting decisions you don't carry the load of your disagreement with you and you will be able to look into the future clearer.

You only know your lover when you let her go. So you let her go...

If the shoe fits,wear it...

"Cynt y cyferfydd dau ddyn na dau fynydd." - Welsh proverb
 (Translation: Two men will meet sooner than two mountains)

There are some things that are impossible, like an encounter of mountains, but there is always a chance for people to meet. So whenever you feel like it is too hard to keep the faith remember things happen for a reason and at the end the journey is always more important.

Food for Thoughts

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go, they merely determine where you start."

The Enemy Within... Retrospective

In times like these I am truly surprised by peoples ignorance. Banks have been manipulating the system and trying to squeeze the financial sponge for so long that people (read: governments) actually think at the moment the banks are in such big problems that we should indeed help them... forgetting that they caused these problems themselves and are now expecting governments (read: people) to keep feeding their need for more profit and liquidity. And since these banks are holding together because of just one main thing which is money of other people, they are creating the perfect situation for their demands: fear!  People feel very uncomfortable when in fear. My guess is that soon this situation will solve itself. Banks can't possibly keep pushing the limits. And people will stand up...

"I'm not giving up to security under pressure.
I'm not missing out on the promise of adventure.
I'm not giving in to implausible dreams.
Experience to extremes.
Experience to extremes..."

from: The Enemy Within -  Rush

This Strange Engine

"And ever since I was a boy
I never felt that I belonged
Like everything they did to me
Was an experiment to see
How I would cope with the illusion
In which direction would I jump
Would I do it all the same
As the actors in the game
Or would I spit it back at them
And not get caught up in their rules
And live according to my own
And not be used, not be used
To find the fundamental truths
It was going to take some time
Thirty five summers down the line
The wisdom of each passing year
Seems to serve only to confuse..."

From: This Strange Engine - Marillion

Back to life

As so often when I finish travelling this strange feeling creeps up on me. After all this time of adventure, exploration and inner freedom it feels like I have to squeeze myself in the daily system again. And it's a jacket at least 3 sizes too small... Getting a national insurance number, finding a local practitioner, finding a place to live, opening a bank account, get a job, buy furniture and more stuff again are all things that belong to a world feeling a bit strange to me. Travelling makes me feel free and energetic whereas the system feels heavy and draining. While travelling I don't feel all these worldly needs.  Every time when I return I feel a bit uneasy and would like to leave again. And guess what? I think this time it will take a bit longer before I will leave for a longer journey. There is a time for everything and at this stage there are other priorities. I've become a stationary traveller. Sad but true...

For a dear old friend: "De grond kust zacht je voeten... "

Ik bouwde bruggen van steen
Maar zonder water
Ik reisde overal heen
Veel verder dan ik kon
Totdat ik opnieuw begon
En mijn bergen overwon
Niet moedig en niet bang
Zag ik hoe je bij me kwam

En de grond kust zacht je voeten
Ze is met je, elke stap
En elke dag zal ze vertrouwd zijn
Ze zal je dragen
Want de grond kust zacht je voeten
Ze is hier en in je dromen
Is ze als je wilt altijd
Een manier om thuis te komen

Je hoeft de diepte niet in
Om de wereld te begrijpen
Maar klim zo hoog als je kan
En overzie het dan, er valt zoveel te kijken
Ik zal je geven wat ik kan
Wees maar moedig, wees maar bang
En als de deur achter je dichtvalt
Dan voel ik je mond nog op mijn wang

En de grond kust zacht je voeten
Ze is met je, elke stap
En elke dag zal ze vertrouwd zijn
Ze zal je dragen
Want de grond kust zacht je voeten
Ze is hier en in je dromen
Is ze als je wilt altijd
Een manier om thuis te komen

Van: Een manier om thuis te komen - Umoja, Blof

Echoes of Millie...

To Millie Johnston, a member of our Inca Trail group, who had an accident and got lost in the jungle of Ecuador while enjoying her travelling. During the trip to Machu Picchu I had the pleasure of getting to know this very joyful and energetic person who could always create a smile on peoples faces. Your laughter still echoes in my mind...

Update 29/06: Today her family confirmed Millie's body was found in the Pastaza River in Ecuador. On Friday 2nd of July a memorial service will be held for friends and family.

Dreams...

People from Essex...

A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosser wants to buy a half-head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?" "Originally from Essex, sir.", the boy replied. "Why did you leave Essex?", the manager asked. "Sir, there´s nothing but whores and footballers there." "Really?", said the manager. "My wife is from Essex." "No shit!", the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"